Determined

Last Sunday before classes start again! The break just flew by, but maybe I’m ready for school to begin. It’s good to see people. I like to be surrounded by them, in fact, even when I don’t know who they are. I need people around me. 

 It was a lazy day, and I spent most of the day in bed. I did work on my syllabus and put it on CompClass. I also started re-reading Running with Scissors. It feels too quiet around me, though. I need noise around me. Well, maybe not too much, but it’s good to have people around me. I draw energy from them. I don’t steal, so don’t worry ;) Oh, as I was listening to music on YouTube, I found this amazing song by Michael W. Smith. It’s called “I Will Carry You.” It is a gorgeous song, and I feel like I’m uttering those words. Beautiful. Beautiful.

So tomorrow, the madness begins again. I’m going in with a positive attitude, even though it gets harder by the day. I will try. I have mapped out dreams no matter how unattainable they might be. I’m going to follow Stephen King’s advice. I will start writing 2000 words a day. It’s not so much. If at all, I might have to bring it down to 1000 or so. Something is better than nothing. I have to learn to touch-type too. This would essentially make it easier to write. I have also decided to submit my writing to journals and magazines outside ISU. I can do this. The worst that can happen is getting a letter of rejection. So what? I will collect them J

I went to church in the morning. It was good to be there. I will ask for God’s guidance to tackle this semester. It’s funny that I have so much faith, being a gay man; I don’t think that God can be fully understood by human rationality. We can try, but we can only know in part. This gives me comfort. No matter how much the world can put one down, it’s only God who has the right answers. I stress “only,” so I will add a few buckets of salt to what anyone might say about God, if I don’t agree with it. God gave me a fully functional brain and a heart, too J

I will wake up at six in the morning and take the bus to Stevenson. I’m excited in a quaint way, I guess. I have very little balance now… but I can still smile, and I will do that tomorrow. I will smile. I’m determined.