Tears in Heaven…

As I write this tonight, I’m overcome by a surge of emotions that I don't know how to even begin to express. I thought I was a writer, but I realize that human goodness is difficult to articulate in limited words. Language cannot, as we discussed in many classes, express the length and breadth of human experience. It can only scratch on the surface. This is the best I can do tonight, my dear dear friend, Stacy. I was really crying when I left that message on your phone. I’m deeply touched. I’m moved beyond limited words. Oh, but they are good tears. I will return to this blessed part of my day later. Let me go from the beginning. It was a great day, despite my failing and ailing body. Thank God we are more than our bodies. They fail, more often than not. I’m glad that I can feel joy still. I cry very easily these days. I’m moved deeply, to my very fibers.

In the morning, after meeting with a student, Tim (Jan’s husband) took me to Peter’s Orthopedic. I’m simply overwhelmed by the compassion and goodness of people in my life. Oh, what would I ever be without these beautiful people? Peter’s Orthopedic was full of friendly people, too. They gave me good news. They told me that ankle braces will really help my walking. I have what is called a “drop foot,” so some support would definitely help! Tim (after reminding me repeatedly that I should eat before class!!!!! Ha ha ha!) dropped me at the Bone center. I met with a counselor regarding group therapy. She was a wonderful lady, and I’m excited about my group therapy session this Thursday! Oh, so I had some gummy something and chocolate milk for lunch J At the English department, I was able to, as always, see some wonderful people. I wish I could let everyone know how much they mean to me. I hope my eyes speak.

My Creative Writing Pedagogy class (with Joe) was an amazing experience. I cried a few times as I was deeply moved by some of the stories my classmates shared. It was an intensely cathartic hour and a half for everyone. I walked to the bus stop with Theresa, who graciously offered me a ride home. My mind was full, though, so I said I was going to CVS to buy a few things. At CVS, I bought a number of things I never needed (Cashews and chili cheese fritos!). Then I took the Blue Line home. As I was opening my door, I noticed there was a big box with my name on it on the step next to my door. Then I looked at the sender’s name, which read “Kastner.” I know only one Kastner in the whole world – my dear friend and former office mate at St. Bonaventure University, Stacy Kastner. I was excited to get the box, even though I had no idea what it contained.

                Then I opened it… as I took out item by item, my eyes welled and spilled over: chocolates, heart-shaped lemon cookies, lifesavers, tea, Thai noodles… the list goes on and on. I cried for a while and then I saw the card. It read, “I believe in mind over matter… I believe in the human spirit to prevail… I believe in miracles and blessings both great and small… I believe in possibilities… I believe that hurdles in life are meant to be jumped over, not as something to stop us…” And on the inside it said, “ I believe in you.” The flood gates opened then… they are still open… they will be for a while. I’m so grateful for the beauty that surrounds me, the goodness, the love. They keep me going… and I thank God for you. I have let go of my pride to run this race all by myself. Thank you for the love that nourishes me, that fortifies me, that protects me, that holds me up… it gives me tranquility amidst troubled waters… it makes me sleep like a baby.